I’ve really been enjoying the comical scifi serialised novel “Constellation Games” by Leonard Richardson. Now, before I go gushing about how great it is, lest it be interpreted as sucking up to try and win this competition … without further ado, here is another snippet of the freshly translated Constellation Database of Electronic Games of a Certain Complexity (aka the CDBOEGOACC).

WARNING: May contain spoilers. Get up to speed with Chapters 1-19 before reading below the fold …

(Update: With the stunning entries I saw on Twitter, I’m surprised, but apparently I won some type of special CDBOEGOACC Jury Prize.  And then the Python random number generator confirmed it. Cool ! @ornithopter won the grand prize – well deserved. Check out all the entries here.)


<artifact-link><point-of-view type=”blog” degree=”.5”/>
(.. further XML cruft removed for less clarity)
Title: Gents: It's showdown waterfeel !
Author: Lharij Pa-farl III (Farang)
System: Brain Eclipse
Publisher: Shore Behind Suspicious Spawn Rocks clan
Synopsis: A simple two player hotseat game
 simulating a traditional child's antennacle wrestling game.
 Makes extensive use of RF stimulators so that it is, at
 least according to marketing material, more exciting than
 the real thing. A third-party modded version that added a
 turn-based single player cross-self versus mode was only
 available to registered adult Farang and licensed
 establishments [crossref: Autotangle showdown waterfeel].

Title: Talk to the meat
Author: Klaroc Ipsham (Alien)
System: Simulates Hi-Def Flase Daylight
               (a cheaper mostly-compatible knockoff of the
                original Simulates Hi-Def False Daylight
                system carrying a similar name)
Publisher: Reliable HyperMegaZap (also console manufacturer)
Synopsis: Clone of an original False Daylight
 game "Meat talkie". You must talk to your (unidentified)
 animal prey while it dies to express your gratitude for it's
 provision of food and entertainment. If you aren't sincere
 enough it's ghost comes and eats you. Some points are earned
 for evading the ghost for some time. One of the few original
 in-house developed titles, compatible only with the Flase
 Daylight hardware and not the original Simulates Hi-Def False
 Daylight system. Rapidly produced in attempt to fend off the
 short lived Shkoy Knowledge Bureau Inquisition circa ~60 years
 after contact.

Title: Special special whiff
Author: [translation in progress]
                             (Wazungu civilization,
                              ~3 MY pre-contact)
System: Your Friend, Your Partner
Publisher: Silent Noise
Synopsis: You must recreate the sequence of
 scents presented to you. When presented with an impossible
 scent you must substitute with the furthest possible smell.
 Pheromone accumulator and focusing peripheral is required
 for effective gameplay (sold separately).
 At the time of release, the publisher offered a grand prize
 for reaching the 997th cycle on the hardcore dual-scent
 difficulty setting. Verification was via mail-in proof of
 high score on a proprietary rotary lathed chalk stick
 generated by the console, which itself was shaped like a
 miniature Wazungu (hence the Wazungu phrase of the time
 that roughly translates to "Poop it out, else it didn't
 happen").
 The prize was never claimed before the publisher became
 insolvent, despite numerous fraudulent claims.

(The CDBOEGOACC is being continually expanded to
 document all games within it's complexity threshold.
 Here's one just recently added.)

Title: Hunt for whales.
Author: Smoke-Generative-Zygote-Mint-Sonar-Hardball
System: (generated upon request)
Publisher: Save the Humans overlay,
                  Serious Game subcommittee Smoke liason.
Synopsis: A game where you hunt for whales
 in an open world planet-sized ocean. Independent automated
 code analysis confirmed that no whales are ever found - it
 is presumed that this is because they all moved somewhere else.
 A propaganda/art game prepared by a Smoke submind for the
 purpose of preparing humanity for potential future scenarios.
 Unreleased due to Constellation market research suggesting
 that the autistic retro-gamer market was too small and
 lacked the influence required to contribute to mission
 objectives.

 (I can't blame the Constellation being pragmatic about
 holding back this early mis-step, although it's a shame
 they didn't make a game to help prepare people for that
 little ice cap relocation thing, huh ?)